Today

I believe anyone who has lost a loved one understands the emotions that arise on special dates significant to them & the person who has continued on their eternal journey. Three years ago today, November 4, 2005 was a Saturday. Stuart and I had just arrived home from purchasing lights at Lowe's to complete the basement. I remember standing at our kitchen counter, talking to Jesse on the phone as Stuart brought in the bags and watching Ethan and Kiana run around. Coincidentally, he too had just purchased lights at Lowe's that afternoon for his brand new condo in Bellevue! He was so excited.


He tried describing where he lived & I just nodded and said, "uh-huh" like I knew what he was talking about. He described the dining room and the "orange-ish light" that he had installed that day and how difficult it was; he had to stand on a stool and get it in just right. He talked about how cool the lighting was as I painted a picture in my head of how it looked according to his description. The other light went over his table. I knew without a doubt it was tasteful, stylish, and most of all - clean. He said,"I can't wait for you guys to come down and see it." I couldn't wait either.

The last words I said to him were,"I love you too. Be good." That was the last time I would talk to Jesse. The day before Thanksgiving - his accident - all day long I had the strongest promptings to call him. All day. But I was caught up in watching neighbor's kids, moving boxes in and out of the garage in putting up decorations so I could enjoy Thanksgiving Day. I figured I would talk to him the next day anyway. I'll never forget how strong those promptings were -- ignoring those feelings is the greatest regret in my life. However, I've slowly come to forgive myself because I know Jesse wouldn't want me to carry that burden. I've also learned from this regret: to listen to those promptings, be true to self, to remember What Matters Most and enjoy Today. Remembering the things we did together and the love we shared of family is the greatest blessing in my life. I miss him. For my family, a few Remember When's:






*July 2003: My best friend, Angela, surprised me with a day at the spa one one of my trips home to Seattle for my birthday. She and her sister-in-law, Brynn (who's been friends with Jesse since Jr. High) offered to watch the kids while I was being pampered. Jesse offered to swing over and play with the kids during this time as well. Brynn and Angela couldn't stop talking about how well Jesse played with the kids: how he pushed Kiana on the swing, ran around with Ethan at the park, and when I came out of the spa there was Ethan splashing gleefully in the fountain, Jesse holding Kiana...I'll admit I'd say to myself, "Gosh he's hot! That's my brother!" (I say that about all my brothers & my Stuey - except he's not my brother!) Jesse had no qualms about carrying a car seat and all the kids' gear either. Afterwards we all went to the U Village for some Ben & Jerry's. As usual, he insisted on paying.

*July 4, 2003: Jesse told me about the festivities at Gasworks Park. He was with us for a short time before he had to leave for work (@ Daniel's?) The kids had a blast! We were there for several hours while the boys were at work Dad and I scoped out a place under a bridge to watch the fireworks and Jesse arrived a little after they'd started.

*Summer 2003: Brown Bag Cafe. Ah, always good times with good food...


...and hugs and kisses all around. I LOVE YOU GUYS!

Today I am grateful for happy memories.