Remember When

On Saturday it was the smell of our new bark that did it for me. Do you guys remember when we were growing up how meticulous Jesse was with the lawn - OK, we all were - but he loved to have it just so. I can remember when there were two of you boys mowing the lawn, one in the front and one in the back; one on a weedwhacker, and I was usually sweeping, weeding or supervising :-). I remember watching you guys out there going shirtless and wondering what kind of girls you would eventually spend the rest of your lives with. I knew I one lucky sister to have such good looking brothers with hearts of gold. Remember all those darn leaves from the madrona trees we always had to pick up? I'm pretty sure Jesse and I weren't the only one cursing under our breath when another one drifted on the freshly mowed lawn and pining for a riding lawnmower. I always remember the smell of fresh beauty bark on our lawn when it rained.

Last Tuesday, Stuart and I went out to celebrate our wedding anniversary at The Cheesecake Factory and I remembered when I flew in to Seattle for a visit with Ethan...we were all going out to dinner and he said he really wanted to take me to this new restaurant that had just opened - and he jokingly added,"They have really, really good cheesecake. But I don't know if you like cheesecake or not," with that teasing smile and twinkle in his eye. However, the wait was LONG when we walked in, we were all hungry, and walked over to PF Chang's where I remember him being so excited about their lettuce wraps. We waited for a short while outside in the lobby admiring the lit fireplace and stylish leather chairs. I still remember looking down the table at Jesse getting comfortable in the booth. I remembered when I finally made it to a Cheesecake Factory for the first time, in Vegas, and when the food came I remembered saying aloud how Jesse was right in describing their massive portions, the food being "soooo good", and the cheesecake being such a treat. He loved good food.

Then there's my favorite band. Remember when Stuart and I changed our flight plans to fly in for Christmas - I think it was Christmas 1998? When we arrived Jesse said,"Too bad you changed your plans. I wanted to surprise you with tickets to the Journey concert but it was last night." I just about blew a gasket! What?!?! I couldn't believe my misfortune and my sisterly side came out,"Argh! Well, if you would have TOLD me there's NO WAY I would have changed our flight." I think my voice was pretty loud. However, I was touched Jesse would even think about doing that for me. I remember when he'd offer - and fork over the cash soon after my arrival (his wallet was always bulging with cash) - to pay for my flights home to visit you guys just so he could see me and Ethan. Always so thoughtful and generous.

Family was everything. I remember calling Jesse sobbing after my former employer canned me for being pregnant. He kept saying everything would be all right. Years later, he'd say to me,"Tawna, you are rich. You have a family, you have Ethan and Kiana." He always kept First Things First.

There's a lot of remember when's. That's for sure. Jesse's huge heart was so tender. This morning I awoke to the evidence of rain which always makes me remember being back home - the smell of Northwest rain is so crisp and fresh. This morning I remembered waking up in Jesse's room on one of my visits, looking out his window at the green scenery, the window opened a smidge to let in the smell of the rain and the sound of the stream, and then a quick look around his immaculate bedroom. The pull-up bar mounted on his wall; his childhood dresser standing neatly in the corner beside the door; his closet door closed hiding an organized loot of color-coordinated shirts, nicely folded pants, and stacked blankets; the small creme-colored plastic laundry basket just between the closet and the dresser; the bulletin board next to the not-a-speck-of-dust desk I was sitting at. Tacked to it were pictures of us kids, surfboards, his red Monster, and the IBD's 10 Secrets to Success clipped from a magazine. There were several tack marks showing a history of being taken down and replaced by being read over and over. I remember being home whenever it rains. (And remember when Jesse took a weedwacker to the lawn by the stream at yours and Brett's condo?" He couldn't stand the overgrowth and we laughed - I remember your giggles Brett - when you said they were "protected" or something. In any event, I'm sure Jesse was happy with it looking neater.)

IBD's 10 Secrets to Success:
Investor's Business Daily has spent years analyzing leaders and successful people in all walks of life. Most have 10 traits that, when combined, can turn dreams into reality. Each day, we highlight one.

1. HOW YOU THINK IS EVERYTHING: Always be positive. Think success, not failure. Beware of negative environment.

2. DECIDE UPON YOUR TRUE DREAMS AND GOALS: Write down you specific goals and develop a plan to reach them.

3. TAKE ACTION: Goals are nothing without action. Don't be afraid to get started now. Just do it.

4.NEVER STOP LEARNING: Go back to school or read books. Get training and acquire skills.

5. BE PERSISTENT AND WORK HARD: Success is a marathon, not a sprint. Never give up.

6. LEARN TO ANALYZE DETAILS: Get all the facts, all the input. Learn from your mistakes.

7. FOCUS YOUR TIME AND MONEY: Don't let other people or things distract you.

8. DON"T BE AFRAID TO INNOVATE; BE DIFFERENT: Following the herd is a sure way to mediocrity.

9. DEAL AND COMMUNICATE WITH PEOPLE EFFECTIVELY: No person is an island. Learn to understand and motivate others.

10. BE HONEST AND DEPENDABLE; TAKE RESPONSIBILITY: Otherwise, Numbers 1-9 won't matter.

I remember reading these to the crowded chapel who attended his funeral services at the building behind the Seattle Temple. How many times had I gone there to watch all you boys play basketball? I remember thinking it wasn't fair, that it wasn't real. But each remember when reminds me that Jesse is in a perfect, peaceful place where I know without a doubt we'd all run to if we even had a glimpse of what lie there. I was helping the kids brush their teeth in the bathroom Saturday night and we were talking about our plans for Monday when we would all be home together,"And we'll go buy flowers..." I lost it. The kids just know. Cute little Kiana looked up at me,"I miss Jesse too." He LOVED that little girl and everyone knew it! I told them that Monday is a day we remember people who have died who fought for our country, but we can remember everyone who has gone to heaven so we should go get some blue flowers to plant to remember Jesse. I think he would like that. Perhaps some forget-me-nots.

So, with that raspy voice echoing in my head,"Hey sistah" -- I just want my family to know how much I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE YOU! The last time I saw Jesse was to give him a good-bye hug at Brett and Beth's place. It was the morning we were moving back to Utah after months of blessed living by you guys in Washington. I said,"Don't cry, I'll see you soon." Ah, those hugs! I keep thinking that on heaven's timeclock, soon is just around the corner. So, here's some homey hugs from me to all my family. May our remember when's make us smile today and always. ATAF! Always together, always & forever.