Tender Confession

Ethan had just come home from school, and while it's not rare for him give me a hug or start up a conversation, his quiet approach was somewhat different today. I was in the office and he quietly but resolutely walked to my side,"Mom, I have to tell you something. I swore today."

OK. Listening Time. My hands went to rest in my lap and I looked at him so he knew he had my full attention. Obviously this was a big time confession for him. He went on...

"There was a kid by us at lunch who kept swearing over and over, saying the 's' word. So I had it in my mind all day." He continued saying that while on the bus ride home he and his friends were talking and joking about music and one of them asked him a question,"I answered...(eyes rolled, hand expression to fill in the blank) 's' music. It just slipped out." He said he was surprised. So were his friends. One of them actually called him out on it, saying they didn't think he swore. He looked like he was going to cry at this point. I asked if he felt bad. His head nodded  at the same time that crooked smile of I-know-better streaked across his face. "I just wanted to tell you that." I offered the only motherly advice I could muster, people know what kind of person you are, and sometimes we mess up; perhaps tomorrow he could apologize to his buddies and share how much it bothered him. I thanked him for telling me, and that I loved him. He nodded. Silently, he turned and left. 

I know enough about my Ethan to know he'd stew about this on his own. Personal guilt is its own beast. Ethan does not like to be around swearing. In fact, this kid didn't refused to go down the beer aisle on one grocery shopping trip when he was younger! He threw the biggest fit in resistance, and I just needed trail mix!

A few things intrigued me about this less-than-3-minute encounter:

1. He didn't have to tell me. I would have never known.

2. Conscience can be our best companion. 

3. Maybe the best way to get rid of guilt is to make it naked. To get rid of his guilt he felt safe enough to tell me and know I'd still love him. Guilt cannot win when there is love.

4. As his mom, I need to do better with not swearing even when I'm joking. I know it bothers him. 

I was really proud of Ethan. He recognized how he did not want to feel and befriended his conscience.

Every human has four endowments - self awareness, conscience, independent will and creative imagination. These give us the ultimate human freedom...The power to choose, to respond, to change. - Stephen Covey