First Prayer

My Ethan blessed the sacrament for the first time today.

He and Stuart always leave a bit early to set up chairs in the overflow and some other rooms, and Ethan helps prepare the sacrament. Since turning 16, he's been eager to 'move up' and be able to sit up front and bless it. When the girls and I walked in shortly before the meeting started, I kinda started to lose it. My mind is like a movie reel on rewind when certain images or music touches my heart. I couldn't stop looking at him, I wanted to remember today forever as my mind also did a picture-in-picture back to when I was a teenager watching my three brothers first pass, then prepare, and eventually bless the sacrament. I remember most watching all 3 brothers pass the sacrament - I was the only girl I knew who ever got to do that!

I couldn't sing the sacrament song. I just watched him and bit my cheek, trying to keep the tears at bay. What a crybaby! It's all these firsts - these milestones - that I thought were years off. Now they keep popping like firecrackers - the beautiful moment is here and gone in an instant. As the song ended, he stood and his friend blessed the bread. Kiana leaned over,"What if Ethan messes up?" I just smiled; she knew they just repeat the prayer. But my kids know I'm a cryer. Then it was time for the water to be blessed. The four priests stood, and then Ethan knelt to bless the bread, his voice filling the chapel with the sacrament prayer that was somehow ultra special to my heart today. It was beautiful! He stood, handed the deacons the trays, then sat. He finally looked at me and smiled, I smiled back. I just enjoyed watching the whole event, my mind re-playing my younger-version self watching my brothers during this quiet time. They participated in the sacrament so many times - together - because there were 3 of them! I'm sometimes bummed Ethan never had a brother, but I can count only 2 times he has ever sat with us the first part of the meeting because he's always doing something: passing or ushering. All on his own.

When Ethan returned to sit with us, I was sitting on the edge and gave him a huge hug! "Mom, you don't have to cry," he said. "I'm just so happy!" Who wouldn't be happy with this handsome kid to call a son?

He looked over at Kiana with a sly grin. "Do you want to swap places?" He nodded, 'no'. "I kinda miss you two play-swatting at each other and being irreverent."

Then there's Maiya...who's had way too many late nights and slept all through the 1st hour. I asked if she wanted to stay with us or go to her class. That was an easy answer.  She slept.

Then there's Kiana...who never wants her picture taken even though I think she's beautiful!